It is a rainy Friday morning, and I have been sitting here with C & K enjoying our lazy morning. As I am sitting here with two pups and two kids, I have been thinking about my birthday month and what an amazing month it has been! The past 30 days have been filled with more family, friends, love, hugs, and laughter than I could have ever imagined! And honestly... I could not be more thankful or blessed!
This has been a month of mended relationships, and reminders that each one of us is human, and each one of us make mistakes. It has been a month of forgiveness and open-mindedness and a month of new relationships being born, This has been a month of completing life long goals, and accomplishing things I never thought I could. It has been a month of friends who need each other and are there for each other, if for nothing more than a dance party and laughs!
I just want to thank all of my people for an amazing month, and for all of you being such amazing people and blessing my life each and every day!! I love you all!!!
A lot has happened in our lives over the past couple of months. C has graduated from high school, and had his 18th birthday... he is now legally an adult. K is approaching her 16th birthday, and now has a car - she is also the only "non-adult" in our house (which she isn't so sure about). C has rescued a wild bunny, lost the same wild bunny, and J found it again. I still work crazy hours at a job I LOVE, and I am finishing up my last 3 weeks of school. Finishing my degree has not been easy, but it has been worth it! My mom had a mishap on Mother's Day, and we spent a lot of time at the hospital. We have been on our family vacation, and there have been break-ups. I say all of this for everyone to always remember... we are all human! So...I thought I would share a few things about me - that make me who I am.
I make mistakes & my kids make mistakes. I have friends who are gay, lesbian, and straight. I am not perfect and will NEVER claim to be. I have few TRUE friends, and I cherish them dearly. I have new friends that I am growing to love daily. I love my family more every day, and I know I do not always tell them I appreciate them like I should. I am a Jesus lover, and proud of it! I daily work on my relationship with Him, and I know I stumble. I also know He is a forgiving God that loves us! I try really hard not to judge others, although I fail at times. I am loyal to a fault, but when you push me to my limit I have no trouble walking away. I am capable of making my own decisions, mowing my own grass, and fixing my own stuff. Would it be nice to have help...yes, but it is not mandatory. I am a big girl, and I can get it done! I love social media - it has its faults, but it also has allowed me to reconnect with sorority sisters and lifelong friends. It gives my family that lives out of state the ability to watch my kids grow up and vice versa. I am stubborn and hardheaded. If I believe in something I will stand my ground to the end. I will apologize when I'm wrong, and I will also forgive. I will tell people I love them because you never know when someone really just needs to hear it and be reminded. I always support my kids and love them unconditionally - even when I don't agree. I believe that everyone should always have that one person who always has their back, that you can always depend on. I have been divorced for 11 years, and it has not always been easy. I have also had relationships over the past 11 years that have not lasted, all for different reasons. When they ended it was not one person's fault - and I'm okay with that. I started praying several years ago for whoever that person may be that God brings in my life. I have no idea who it will be, or if it will be anyone, But... I do know that God has a plan and His plan is always better and greater than my own.
I say all of this to ask everyone to remember to be kind and respectful. We are all going through things in life that are hard...no one knows about these things or needs to know about them. There are things that happen that no one will ever understand except the people involved. We are all put on this earth for a short time, and we do not know when our time will be up. So, I will choose to be happy, love my people and love my God.
Let me start by saying... this week is kind of a sentimental week for me. It was this week 23 years ago that I became an aunt for the first time AND then 9 hours later I became a mom! It was kind of crazy, but i wouldn't change a thing, When I was pregnant with J, I was 21 years old and scared to death. This was not a planned pregnancy and I was not sure I could ever pull the mom thing off. I mean honestly, who was I to be given the responsibility of raising a child. I honestly doubted everything, I was excited and scared all at the same time. I had been the nanny to 4 amazing little boys, who had an awesome mother and grandmother,..and I remember comparing myself to them. Would I ever be to be that kind of mom to my child? Once the fear subsided, I had the best pregnancy! Honestly... I walked around with a taco and a Tootsie Roll for 9 months straight! When I got pregnant, I weighed a whopping 119 lbs, and after I had him - I weighed 118 lbs. Now let me say.... this did NOT happen with the other 2 kiddos!
As soon as this little (or actually big) bundle of joy was born - I fell in love. Instantly I loved him more than anything. I knew that regardless of anything else, I would be the best mom I could be - from that day forward, my life changed. I had more fun watching this little boy grow. He was always happy, always laughing, and always had my undivided attention. I found out very quickly that if he was going to do something - he was going to go big! There was never a dull moment in my life. As I watched him grow, I watched him embrace the many talents he had. He was not only athletic, he was artistic. He had a HUGE heart, and he was always giving. He would give someone the coat off his back if he thought they needed it (and HE DID)!! He would always fight to win - he was more competitive than any other kid around. When he got in a fight with a lawn mower (and lost) - he never gave up. He went into surgery that night, and I signed consent for amputation of his right hand up to his forearm. He came out, and the first question he asked was, "Do I have my hand?" When I said yes, he asked, "Do I have all my fingers?" I said yes. The accident was June 2 and he was at Camp Nacome with his football team mid-July, and on the field at the start of the season. He was an inspiration to me!
After graduating from high school, we quickly figured out that college wasn't his thing. He worked multiple jobs while saving to live out one of his dreams. He is the free spirit who marches to the beat of his own drum. He lives life to the fullest every day and never takes anything for granted! He is one of my three greatest accomplishments in life. It is so hard to believe that in 4 shorts days he will be 23. I am forever blessed that God chose me to be his mother!
There are always times in your life that you will never forget. It may be your wedding day, the day your children were born, the death of a loved one, or it could be the day you fell in love. For me, I have several dates that I will never forget. The day I got married, the day I got divorced. The day my children were born. The day I realized I could fall in love again, and be happy. There are all kinds of days I remember, but... for me the 24 hour time period that I have relived over and over in my mind is September 16, 2015.
This day started just like any other day. I got up, went to work, and met my "bonus kid" for dinner. I was there the day she was born, had watched her grow up into a beautiful young woman, and after she had some struggles - she moved in with me and the kids. For anyone out there who knows me, I have had various kids over the years live with us. I provide a roof over their head, some ground rules,I love them, they have a chance to get on their feet, and then... they move on. These are the kids that forever live in my heart. But this time... it ended a little different. The sweet little girl that I had watched grow up was a mess (and I'm not being ugly or mean in any way). She was depressed, had anxiety, and just simply needed some love. For months, I watched her work her way through school, and strive to do the right thing. Then... it seems like in the blink of an eye - everything changed. On the night of September 16, 2016, after I got off work, I met her for dinner. We went to Chili's and had dinner. She got ready to go meet friends, I hugged her, told her I loved her, and she left. I went home, and started my normal routine. K got home later that night after church, and went straight to bed. I went to bed around 9:30pm, and when I woke up, my life changed forever.
I woke up at 12:48am to my phone ringing. Now in my house - if my phone rings after 10pm, I assume someone is really hurt, in trouble, or dead. I woke up, answered the phone, and A asked me if she was home. I said, "I'm not sure, let me go look and I will call you back." As I got out of bed, I heard my doorbell ringing. When I rounded the corner from my kitchen to my den, my heart sank. I immediately ran back to my room, and called 911. She was laying on the couch having seizures, and had a mouth full of pills. I had no idea what they were, but I leaned over her and started pulling pills out of her mouth. As I did this, she was kicking & hitting me (and I am forever thankful she does not remember this). The Gallatin Police were the first ones to my house, then the ambulance, then more police - it was complete chaos. As they loaded her into the ambulance, my heart was broken, and I was scared to death. When we got to the ER, they told me if I had been 30 minutes later - it would have been too late. What had happened to make this sweet girl attempt to take her life? What did I miss? Did I not love her and care for her enough? The days and weeks to follow were a blur. The hours, and then days we were in CCU seemed endless. Then we moved her to a treatment facility - which was almost unbearable. Her friend C, was an angel and a complete life saver for me. When she finally came home, we knew we had a long road ahead. We got through October, but then November came. It was a TOUGH month (to put it mildly). I had always heard about "tough love", but I had never really had to put it in motion until that time. She moved out of the house, and life went on. Although, I have not spoken to her since November - there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her, that I don't pray for her, and that I don't miss her.
Now... let's back up for just a bit. Before any of the craziness happened - in August, my kids and I found what is now our church home. I can remember in August thinking, "it's time to get back on board, and get your life straight with God." What I didn't know is he was getting ready to give me one of my biggest tests of all times. In the weeks that followed, I remember distinctly sitting in church on Sunday mornings, listening to Pastor T, and thinking.. "wow, he is speaking directly to me." As I now look back, over the hours, days, and months - I can see God's hand in every bit of it. I am so thankful that He gave me the strength to get through everything, because I know I certainly did NOT do it on my own. I say all of this, not to make anyone sad, but to let everyone know - that you never know what is going on with someone. You never know the struggles and the demons they are facing. So be kind to everyone you meet, stop and say a prayer for your loved ones, hug them tight!
So many times we live our life wondering "what if." What if we don't live out our dreams? What if we don't check those boxes on our bucket list? What if we don't tell our loved ones how much they mean to us? We always have tomorrow...right?? WRONG! We are never guaranteed tomorrow, and it is never promised. We waste so much time not focusing on the things that are important. Then... we have regret! Regret is no fun, and it sucks the life out of you. And honestly... who wants to look back on your life, and have a whole lot of "what if's?"
We get to determine what we do in life, we make our own decisions. No one is responsible for our actions except for us. Tonight, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw where one of my friends had posted a video about "What is your biggest regret?" As I watched the video, it gave me chills. We can make all the mistakes in the world, and have all the regrets possible today, but tomorrow morning - we have a clean slate. Those things are wiped away.
We also serve an awesome God, who forgives us and gives us a clean slate and what an awesome God is He!! 1 John 1:9 says, "But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from wickedness." When we admit our sins, we agree with with God that our sin is a sin, and we are willing to turn away from it. Once we repent, we have a clean slate!
So... take a minute, think about your biggest regrets and then wipe them away! Jump out of a plane... tell someone you love them...set your goals to improve YOU! This is a new year with new beginnings, and the sky is the limit. We are never guaranteed tomorrow, so live this life with NO REGRET!!
This morning I am sitting at home looking at the snow falling, and simply thinking about my life. As crazy as my life can be at times, I would not trade it for anything. Here are just a few reasons that I am thankful every day!
I LOVE MY JOB! I may work crazy hours three weeks out of the month, but this week I was reminded once again why I do what I do. I love helping franchise owners, watching them learn, and I truly get back more than I could ever give. They are a special group of people who take risks every day, and help people in their time of need.
I LOVE MY KIDS! I have three kids who I love more than life. They may drive me crazy, they have smart mouths at times, and they think they are funny even when they are not, but I love every minute. I love the loud boys and the giggling girls.
I LOVE MY FRIENDS! I have very few close friends and i wouldn't have it any other way. I know I can always depend on them, and they are always there. If I need to laugh, need to cry, or simply need a dose of reality... they are there!
It has definitely not been the shortest or easiest road to get to where I am, but I know it is all in God's timing and wouldn't change a thing. So... as I am sitting here, enjoying my snow day with my sweet girl. I am very thankful!!
With each new year, there come new resolutions...new hopes, dreams, and the possibility of change. How often do we give up on the resolutions before we ever start? When I look around my home today there are so many opportunities for change. My kids are facing a new year with new challenges. My dad is here visiting and has ongoing health issues. Heck... I know I certainly have issues of my own and that there are things in my life that I definitely need to change. I know life will never be perfect, but...I know I can always work on improving my life and providing a better life for me and my kids. We cannot control every part of our lives, but we can seek God's advice on how Christians should act, and what we should do. Maybe... just maybe...if we seek His will first, things will fall into place - just as they should be.
There are many resolutions I could come up with... lose weight (I always need to do that), keep my house clean (I have lots of teenagers all the time, so why bother?), or be more active (my activity consists of shuttling 15 year olds from place to place). Instead of torturing myself with never accomplishing that size 4 body from 20 years ago... I have decided to choose a passage from Colossians and work on it all year long. In Colossians 3: 12 - 15 it says, "Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live peace. And always be thankful. "
What kind of world would we live in if we all focused on tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness,and love? How much richer would we be at the end of the year if we had more of these? What if we took the time to realize just how blessed we are? So...in 2016, I will focus on living and focusing on Colossians 3: 12-15, and counting my blessings. We will fill up our "blessing jar", and on December 31, 2016 will look back and realize just how blessed we are!
It is a rainy Friday morning, and I have been sitting here with C & K enjoying our lazy morning. As I am sitting here with two pups and two kids, I have been thinking about my birthday month and what an amazing month it has been! The past 30 days have been filled with more family, friends, love, hugs, and laughter than I could have ever imagined! And honestly... I could not be more thankful or blessed! 
