Mistakes

Mistakes... now that is a word that will make you think! There are so many kinds of mistakes you can make. You can make mistakes with your kids, you can make mistakes at work, you can make a mistake choosing the wrong paint color. Then, there are the BIG mistakes. The mistakes that can cost you your happiness, and make you wonder if you will EVER find happiness again? Being single, and almost 40 is a challenge to say the least. At this point in my life at least, I am a mom of 3 amazing kids. I am the friend, of the most amazing girl friends anyone could ask for. I am the daughter for unbelieveable parents who love me unconditionally. I am a sister to 2 people who I wish I got to spend more time with. But, most importantly, I am a person who has made my share of mistakes!


I may not always be perfect, and I make mistakes along the way, but I do always try to do what is right. You see, when it comes to matters in love, there is not always a right or a wrong answer. You do, what you think is best for you and your family. You pray that one day, God will send you a Godly man, that will love you for exactly who you are and treat you exactly the way you have always dreamed of being treated. You hope and pray that you are able to let your guard down, and allow that person to get close. You hope that you don't make the same mistakes in this relationship that you have made in the past.

No one can tell you if you are making a mistake when it comes to love. You are the only one who knows who makes your heart skip a beat and who gives you those butterflies. You will know when it is right, and you just simply have to have the courage to stand up for what you believe in, and NEVER settle for anything less that what you think is perfect! When you finally find someone that has all the things you are looking for, and you are lucky enough to have them in your life - do NOT take them forgranted! Love them unconditionally and cherish every moment. Life is too short, not to be happy and in love!

New Year... New Beginnings

Well, I have done it again. 2 1/2 months on neglecting this blog, and here I am again, vowing that I, L.W. , will post on this blog on a regular basis. In theory, I know this sounds easy, but quite honestly... life gets in the way. A lot has happened since my last post in November. Yet again, a seemingly good guy, has disappointed me & let me down. I have started a new job, the holidays have come & gone, and I had the best New Year's Eve EVER!!!! Not to mention, we have had J's football banquet (the last of his high school career). So... where to start???

As you know, I have not been the luckiest person in love. I have had my heart stepped on & broken in half, and dating in your late 30's is not easy! Just when you think you meet a normal, nice guy... you are completely blind sided, and realize that maybe , just maybe, good guys no longer exist. Well... that's where I was, until New Year's Eve. This New Year's Eve was the first time I have actually been out on NYE in forever! I wasn't sitting at home, I wasn't babysitting kids, I was out and I was having a BLAST! There was one guy in particular that I thought was particularly nice. He was nice, he was funny, he was the designated driver, and most importantly, he didn't mind putting up with all of the yahoos there that were drinking. We danced that night. The next day, he was my "friend" on FB, the next week we chatted, then texted... then actually spent some quality time together. I must say... I had the best time! He was a gentleman by far, and he is funny! He makes me laugh, and he can say one simple word, and I grin from ear to ear. He has decided me and my friends are a very harsh group of people. He has figured out that I am an extremely untrusting person, but... I am trusting him (until he gives me a reason not to). We are now 3 weeks into dating, and I am enjoying every minute of it. I am ejoying talking to him, and getting to know him. And, for the first time in a long time, I am hopeful for the future!

Now... my sweet kids! Words cannot express how proud of J I am! There is no greater honor, than to hear the kind words of football coaches and his fellow players, and watch your child be honored for all his accomplishments. Then my sweet K, as we were watching TV this past week, and we were talking about the shooting of the congresswoman in Arizona. She very sweetly says, "Mom, I don't like Obama." I said, "Why?" She said, "First of all, he doesn't believe in Jesus and next... he is simply a Democrat." Wow.... I just had to laugh. She then so sweetly informed my that our family is "Republican only". I am so thankful, at the age of 10... she has her political views figuered out! :) Then, my sweet C. While everyone else is demanding attention, he is simply hanging out, making everyone laugh! The eternal people pleaser & sweetheart!

So, that is all I have for now... but I will leave you with one quote, "dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today". That my friends is what I am doing in 2011. I am living everyday to the fullest & making the most of it!

cautiously optomistic...

You know the feeling when someone makes you smile? Not just the silly grinning you do, but when you truly smile from the inside out. That is the feeling I have this morning. This is something I have not had in a really long time! It seems that someone can make you smile and give you hope when you least expect it. You see, I don't expect a whole lot out of anyone. I simply want the little things in life. I want to be excited at the end of the day when I hear the garage door open. I want to have coffee with someone in the morning, that I think is the world's best. I don't really care what anyone else thinks, I want this person to be perfect in my eyes! I want to love them with all my heart, and I want them to love me! So, after talking to a friend last night, for the first time in a really long time, I am cautiously optomistiic!

Enough about me... now on to my kids. At this house, football season is officially over. J had a great game last week, in the last game of his high school football career. He had 5 receptions for 97 yards, and a touchdown. As the season ended, it was bittersweet. It is the end of one chapter in his life. We have also submitted college applications. I know we have to give our kids wings, but it is really hard to let them fly! For a really long time, it has been just me & J. The thought of him not being here with me next year, makes me sad. You see, he is only 17, but he is my best friend. We have grown up together in his life, and I could not be more proud of him. He is truly my best accomplishment in life.

I ran into C's math teacher in the grocery last week. He informed me that I had a "brilliant math kid". I was very quick to assure him that he did not get those math skills from me. It's always a good feeling to get compliments on your kids. K on the other hand has lots of things going on. She auditioned for select choir at school and made it. She also auditioned for singing & dancing parts at church in the Christmas program. She got those parts as well, and has 2 solos, and a dancing part.

As we get closer to Thanksgiving, I am reminded about all of the things I have to be thankful for! I have 3 perfect kids, who I love more than life itself.... they are the loves of my life!

the more things chage... the more they stay the same!

Well, a lot has happened in a couple of weeks. Just when you think you might be getting your life back, and you are back on your feet, it always seems the rug is pulled from underneath you! Why??? I must ask, why can't it be simple?? You see, the ex and I have been dating, and he had been on a guys trip. He was fine before he left, everything was going well, I thought we were making progress. Obviously, I am stupid! He comes back from being gone, and is a completely different person. Then I get the "I need to find me" speech before I can make anyone else happy. I don't ever want to hurt you and the kids again! Well, guess what big guy, you have! Fast forward 10 days, and everything is hunky dory again! I wish someone could please tell me when the crap do I get my happily ever after!! Oh well, moving on to more important things... my kids!

Last night was Senior Night for J and the last home game of his high school football career. It is so hard to believe that he is a senior, and I am going to have to let him go. I watch these boys go out on the field every week to play the game that they love. I can honestly say, that J leaves his heart on the field at the end of every game. I can also say it is completely heart breaking to watch these boys play their hearts out and not get the results on the scoreboard that they deserve. This is a special group of senior boys. They are all good, Christian young men that all have a special place in my heart. They have a bond that is like no other. They truly have each other's back in any and every situation, and they are a family. These boys have been such a huge part of my life over the last 4 years, it is hard to imagine my life without them in it every week. I have had the privilege of getting to know and love each one of these boys, and couldn't be more thankful for that opportunity!

As I try to imagine my life with C & K, next year... it is very hard. To think that we will be home, and J will have gone off to start another chapter in his life. I know I must give him wings, but it is so very hard to let him fly!

uuugghhhh!!! and aaaawwwww :)

This is almost a new record... twice in one week! Oh well, I figure if I have something to say, it is better to go ahead and say it! Where to start?? Well, let's start with the dating life. As I have mentioned previously, I have been datting my ex. There are days, I question my judgement, then there are days I know I am doing the right thing. Now, I know that every relationship has ups and downs, but tonight I am just completely frustrated!! He has been out of town since Thursday, and I have not talked to him at all. I am sure he sees this as "no big deal", but when someone says, "I will talk to you tomorrow", I (stupid little me) assume they mean exactly that. I will talk to them tomorrow. So, tomorrow has come and gone and another tomorrow has come and gone, and I have NOTHING!!! I know we all need our time away, I know we all need to have fun, but however, I am completely frustrated by this. So now the big question is... do I say something about this, or let it slide?? Oh well... I guess I will sleep on this one, and decide in the morning. Now, on to more important things... my kids!!

Friday night was one of the biggest football games of the season for J. He is a senior, and we were playing our cross town rivals. I do not like to lose, and despise being on teams that do lose. I believe everyone should play with 1,000% all the time, and with 5,000% heart. If you do those things, you will always come out a winner, no matter what the score board says. I cannot tell you how proud I am of my #6. When he steps out on the field, to play the game he loves, he gives 1,000% and plays with 5,000% heart. He is truly a leader on and off the field, and has turned into a wonderful young man.

C & K went to stay with my father-in-law today, the first time since Nana has been gone. I was worried about how the day was going to go. Not that Papa is not capable of taking care of them, but they have always had Nana there for entertainment. I knew this would be a strange day. So... they were given a lecture about not fighting, and having to get along and help Papa. I got there this afternoon, and once again was extremely proud of these little guys. They worked all day helping Papa and Aunt C cleaning out the pantry, closets and some of Nana's things. They did it all without anyone asking, and were happy to help! Once again, I was reminded of the great kids I have!

So, just when you think all your kids do is argue and fight... no worries. Give them a little credit. They will always surprise you and make you the proudest mom on earth!

A few things....

Well, it has been a month since I have blogged. I promised I would do better, but... not so much! It just seems that when you get ahead, just a little, something always happens to push you way far back. I guess it is just called life! This past month has been a very emotional month. My sweet mother-in-law (well, technically ex mother-in-law), lost her battle with cancer on Septemeber 22. My dad is still fighting the fight, and doing very well. My oldest is almost half way through his senior year, and... I just simply seem to cry all the time! You know, I have never been much of a crier, but here lately, I am just one big weepy mess!

Well, now an update on the..... "dating life". I am spending more and more time with my ex these days, and things seem to be going well. The one thing I have learned not to ask him about is us! He does not like to talk about it, so I am left to use my imagination, which is not really a good thing. You see, imaginations can go way wild! I am trying to accept everything for what it is and take it day by day. Although, sometimes it is really hard, when all I really want to do is scream, " I NEED SOME ANSWERS!" So, I am learning patience!

I make a promise right now, to blog more regularly, for all my thousands of readers out there (really??? I don't even think there is one). Until next time....

Dating 101

Well, it has been a while since I have blogged. Somehow, life has gotten in the way, and I just haven't quite had time to sit down and write. I have had a lot of changes in my life in the past several months... not all of them good, but changes none the less. So... here we go, we will start with the first!

When you are married, and you go through a divorce, it is extremely hard to go back to the single, dating world. You finally decided you will. You make it thru your first rounds of the crazies, and then you finally find someone who might be Mr. Right. You let your guard down, open up, and become vulerable. Only to find out eventually, that they don't know how to be completely truthful, even if it hit them in the face. So... you break up, and attempt to move on with life again. As you date, you realize there are all kinds out there. There are the ones who you like, but will never committ. There are the ones that simply don't have time the time to invest in a relationship, some openly admit it, some don't. I admire the ones who let you know up front, they are the ones you remain friends with and you respect. Then you have the ones that just want to be "friends with benefits" (for lack of a more unappropriate word)... but, really??? I want more than that. As if trying to navigate the dating world isn't hard enough, you then are trying to figure out if the can ever be "daddy material". Will they ever love your kids like there own? Then, you have your ex-husband. I'm not even sure where to begin with this one. So, you see.... I will start from the beginning.

When I was 16, I met my husband. We started dating when I was in high school and we never really looked back. We might break up, but we would always figure it out and get back together. We would make it through anything, or so I thought. So... when we started having marital problems, I was at a lost. We were not working this one out. We separated, with the deal, we would work it out... no matter what!! Then, came the girlfriend. Within a short amount of time, he was dating, she was there all the time, then over a while she moved in (the house that I built), and they were engaged! Needless to say... I was heart broken... AGAIN!!! I had dated several people, but it just didn't work. One even had the audacity to tell me it never would work, because I was still in love with my ex. Apparently, he knew more than I did! Anyhoo... I watched their relationship as it progressed, and I was angry. Angry that he chose her over me, angry he was making changes for her that I had been asking for years. I constantly tried to figure out why I wasn't good enough. Well... their wedding was scheduled for April (I was sick to my stomach over it), and what do you know.... he called the wedding off! He called me to let me know that they were having problems, and the wedding was postponed... forever! I must admit, I giggled after I got off the phone. I got a great deal of pleasure in this failed relationship. Now, I'm not saying that is right, I am normally really nice. But, in this case, I giggled the whole way home. So... since I communicate better when I write, I wrote him a letter.

As time has gone on, over the last several months, we have spent lots of time together. We have talked about things that we never talked about before. We have talked about things that happened in our marriage, and why they happened. Our kids have thoroughly enjoyed have their mom & dad together again. However, our kids are very aware we are "just friends" and we are simply "hanging out". No false hope has been given, but we are taking things slow, and seeing what might happen. And.. for the first time in a long time, I am hopeful for the future!