Well, it has been a while since I have blogged. Somehow, life has gotten in the way, and I just haven't quite had time to sit down and write. I have had a lot of changes in my life in the past several months... not all of them good, but changes none the less. So... here we go, we will start with the first!
When you are married, and you go through a divorce, it is extremely hard to go back to the single, dating world. You finally decided you will. You make it thru your first rounds of the crazies, and then you finally find someone who might be Mr. Right. You let your guard down, open up, and become vulerable. Only to find out eventually, that they don't know how to be completely truthful, even if it hit them in the face. So... you break up, and attempt to move on with life again. As you date, you realize there are all kinds out there. There are the ones who you like, but will never committ. There are the ones that simply don't have time the time to invest in a relationship, some openly admit it, some don't. I admire the ones who let you know up front, they are the ones you remain friends with and you respect. Then you have the ones that just want to be "friends with benefits" (for lack of a more unappropriate word)... but, really??? I want more than that. As if trying to navigate the dating world isn't hard enough, you then are trying to figure out if the can ever be "daddy material". Will they ever love your kids like there own? Then, you have your ex-husband. I'm not even sure where to begin with this one. So, you see.... I will start from the beginning.
When I was 16, I met my husband. We started dating when I was in high school and we never really looked back. We might break up, but we would always figure it out and get back together. We would make it through anything, or so I thought. So... when we started having marital problems, I was at a lost. We were not working this one out. We separated, with the deal, we would work it out... no matter what!! Then, came the girlfriend. Within a short amount of time, he was dating, she was there all the time, then over a while she moved in (the house that I built), and they were engaged! Needless to say... I was heart broken... AGAIN!!! I had dated several people, but it just didn't work. One even had the audacity to tell me it never would work, because I was still in love with my ex. Apparently, he knew more than I did! Anyhoo... I watched their relationship as it progressed, and I was angry. Angry that he chose her over me, angry he was making changes for her that I had been asking for years. I constantly tried to figure out why I wasn't good enough. Well... their wedding was scheduled for April (I was sick to my stomach over it), and what do you know.... he called the wedding off! He called me to let me know that they were having problems, and the wedding was postponed... forever! I must admit, I giggled after I got off the phone. I got a great deal of pleasure in this failed relationship. Now, I'm not saying that is right, I am normally really nice. But, in this case, I giggled the whole way home. So... since I communicate better when I write, I wrote him a letter.
As time has gone on, over the last several months, we have spent lots of time together. We have talked about things that we never talked about before. We have talked about things that happened in our marriage, and why they happened. Our kids have thoroughly enjoyed have their mom & dad together again. However, our kids are very aware we are "just friends" and we are simply "hanging out". No false hope has been given, but we are taking things slow, and seeing what might happen. And.. for the first time in a long time, I am hopeful for the future!
