New year... new beginnings

As the New Year approaches, I have been looking back at 2013.  This has been a year full of anticipation, hope, disappointment and possibilities.  It has been a year of restoring old friendships and making new ones. It has been a year of hurt and also a year of forgiveness.  Most importantly, it has been a year of change (which I typically hate).  This has been a year for me to grow as a person, and learn from my past.

I realize there are many things to change - beginning with having a little more faith in people.  As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."  Unfortunately, a lot of times - the first step is the hardest one to take.  When you take the first step, you must have faith in what is yet to come.  Having faith can mean opening your heart and letting walls come down - opening your heart and life to new possibilities.  It can also mean believing in someone when they have given you a million reasons not to.  It can mean putting your trust in God, knowing that He knows the plan for your life and He knows what is best.

In 2014, there will be a lot of changes in my world.  C will turn 16 and will be able to drive.  J will turn 21 - which is a HUGE event.  K will finish middle school, and my sweet baby girl will head to high school. All of these things are milestone's in their lives, and I am not sure I am prepared for any of them.

So, I pray on a daily basis that He will show me His plan, and I will have my heart and mind open to listen and follow it. I pray that my babies will remain safe and they will continue to grow in His name. I pray for my heart to be softened and to forgive others for things we may consider unforgivable.  It is time to let go of the negativity, and focus on the positive. I am surrounded by amazing friends and am pretty sure they are they best around.  I work for an incredible company and am blessed with co-workers I truly love. Most importantly - I have the most amazing children and family who support me and my craziness unconditionally.  It is time to make some changes to my life, that are for the better. So... here's to 2014! Cheers!!

The reason for the season...

If you are like me, I have more going on in my life right now than I really know what to do with.  For me... I work full-time, I am a full-time student, I have a daughter playing volleyball (practice twice a week), I have an active 15 year old who has a social life - throw in homework (for me and the kids), final exams, groceries, laundry, attempting to keep the house clean, taking care of animals, having extra kids in the house - then you have Christmas shopping for family, friends, holiday parties, baking... the list can go on forever!  Now...let me say, as crazy hectic as it is - I wouldn't change a thing!  I love my life and I love all the people in it - it just tends to get a little crazy sometimes! We tend to get caught up in the commercial aspect of Christmas, and truly forget what this holiday is about.

We focus on Christmas traditions, we worry about when Rudolph comes on, we worry about what food will be prepared for Christmas dinner...all of these things are fine.  But do we take the time we should to focus on the REAL reason for the season?

In John 3:16 it tells us, "For God so loved the world that He gave us his one and only Son."  That sentence sums it up - this is the time of year to celebrate Him and His birthday!  Celebrate by adopting a family in need and reaching out, show them what God's love is all about.  Sit down with your family, take time to read the Christmas story and keep Jesus in the heart of the holiday!!

Family...

As Thanksgiving approaches, I find myself thinking about family and the importance of them in our lives.  I know I have been blessed with wonderful parents who I love dearly, a step-father that I could not imagine my life without, a brother and sister who I love (but don't tell them often enough), a brother-in-law who has been around so long I can't remember many times without him, a sister-in-law who has made my brother happier than he has ever been, and I have the most incredible six nieces and nephews who are talented, smart, funny, kind hearted, loving and full of mischief who I absolutely adore.  I also have three AMAZING kids, who complete my life and make my world what it is today.

I woke up this morning, and walked around my house while the kids were asleep, the dogs were asleep and for just a brief moment - everything was quiet.  I sat and enjoyed those few minutes... enjoying the first Saturday morning in years that all three of my kids were home.  As they woke up one at a time... the quiet was over, and the games began.  The first conversation went like this.. K said, "I want a hug.", J then says, "No - you just woke up and have morning breath."  Then... she gets a big bear hug from her big brother and all is right with the world. I just sat and giggled!  When I look at each of my kids, and their different personalities - they simply make me smile.

A few minutes later, the next conversation went like this.  K was asking if we could go dress shopping today for the middle school winter formal.  I told her we would wait and see how the day goes.  C speaks up and says, "Do you know what I wore to the formal in the 8th grade? A t-shirt and jeans."  K with her sassy comeback says..."And how many girls did you dance with?  ZERO!"  Again - hysterical laughter!

In addition to the family we are born with, we have the family we choose.  We have those friends who have shared our lives, they have been there for all the ups, down, highs, lows, good times, bad times... and all the craziness in between.  They are the ones who we can look at, and with no words they know exactly what we are thinking.    They are the ones who love our kids as much as we do, who celebrate with us during the good times and are there to support us during the hard times.  They are the ones that we had the blessing of choosing to be our family!

This week for us has been full of answered prayers and blessings.  It has been a week full of emotion and thankfulness.  It has been a week of knowing that no matter what happens, He is in control.  And if we just simply, pray, listen and wait for His will to be done - things will happen the way they are supposed to.  As I look at my three blessings this morning, I could not be any more proud of them.  You see, they all have their own personalities, they are all truly unique, and - God chose to give them to me. For that... I could not be more thankful!

"The most important thing in life is family.

There are days you love them, and others you don't.

But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to.

Sometimes it's the family you're born into and 

sometimes it's the one you make for yourself." 

~Carrie Bradshaw~

The tough stuff...

Have you ever had those times in your life when things have happened and you really do not understand why?   You look, and you keep asking yourself - "Why has God allowed this to happen?"  This has been an eye opening year for me, on many different levels.  Although there are lots of little things that happen, there are a couple of doozies I simply cannot wrap my head around.  We all have things happen in life, and after reflecting on them - we know we could have handled the situation differently (or at least this happens to me). You live your life to the best of your ability, trying to always do the right thing - you try to raise your kids with roots AND wings.  So... what happens when the everything hits the fan?  What happens when your kids disappoint you?  Or when the ones you love let you down?  What happens when you look at your kids, and you wonder, "where is my little angel I raised?'  What happens when a child turns away from your family and as parents you are heartbroken?  I think as we raise our children, we give it our best effort.  We guide them and teach them how to make the best choices.  We teach them they must take responsibility for their actions. Unfortunately, just because we teach these things - doesn't mean our children listen.  It doesn't mean they will do exactly as they were taught.  There is always a possibility, they will let the world lead them and they can turn away from their family.

What the children (whether they are 12 or 20), do not understand is that the decisions they make do not only affect them.  They affect their family as a whole.  This process began as making a decision not to talk to your family for a week.  Unfortunately, weeks turn into months, and before you know it a whole year has gone by. The children also tend to forget as they are acting out, that all it would take is a simple, "I'm sorry and I love you" to begin the healing process and wipe the slate clean.  As a parent, in these circumstances, I think it is important to remember the story of the prodigal son.  Jesus told the parable, reminding us to never give up on anyone who goes a stray.  What happens if your child comes back, do you tell them "I told you so", or do you open your arms wide and rejoice they are home?   What do you do until this day comes?  You pray for your child.  You pray for their heart to be softened, and you pray for the strength of the loved ones at home who are waiting.  I think as parents we all need to remember, our children bring us happiness and they also bring us grief, and in both of those things come tears.

When things happen, and I simply think I can't take anymore - I go to my all time favorite Bible verse. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face.  All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it."

 For me, this year - I will be praying a lot more for my sweet friend and her family who haven't heard from their child in almost a year, the holidays will definitely be different.  I will be praying for the child to be brave enough to make the phone call, and make amends with parents. I will also be praying for my kids, as they don't understand why any of this has happened.  As the holidays are approaching, I would urge everyone to tell everyone how much you love them, and hold your loved ones a little tighter.  You never know, when the course of your life will be altered.

Letting go...

As I sit in my kitchen (my happy place) and do my Saturday morning thing, there are lots of thoughts running through my head.  How many of us spend so much time regretting or being angry towards things in the past that we ruin our future?   It could be a friendship, a relationship or issues with family members.  Many times we are so busy being angry, so busy holding a grudge and proving a point, that we forget what we were even angry about to begin with.  We are so busy looking at the past and fuming over it - that we can't enjoy what we are given today. As I was growing up, I was always taught to forgive - taught to love my enemy.  Although, those things sound simple - they are not. How often do we think about forgiving ourselves?  In order to forgive yourself or someone else, you have to let go of anger - and we all know that sometimes that is not an easy thing to do.   Do we hold on to the anger of the past because we don't like change ~ we want everything to stay the same?  Possibly.

I am a person who does NOT like change.  I don't like traditions to be broken, I don't even like the menu to change for Christmas dinner.  I absolutely hate change.  But...in the last eight years I have had more change than I ever wanted.   Looking back now ~ I know I held on to some things longer than I should have out of anger, or maybe even out of spite.  I know I haven't given every opportunity that presented itself, the dedication it needed, because I was trying to make sure that I didn't get hurt again.   I also know, other things I held onto longer than I should have because I simply do NOT like change.

Colossians 3:13 - 15 says, "bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you must also do. But, above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful."

We all make mistakes, and we all hurt others... even when it was not our intention.  It's funny, the more you love someone - the more you tend to hurt them.  When you know someone inside and out, you know how to push their buttons.  You know what makes them happy, what makes them sad... you know them as well as you know yourself.  So, not only does it make it easy to make them happy - it makes it easy to hurt them. And... for some crazy reason, it makes it hard to forgive them.   The key to a happy heart, is forgiveness! In order to forgive, we need to open our heart to God, and let Him work through us.

So, with all of this being said...  go mend some broken bridges, go give an unsuspecting person a hug.  You will be amazed at how great you feel when you simply let go!

Happy Saturday y'all!

Two are better than one...

Sometimes you meet a person in life, and you know that no matter what happens, you will always be friends with them.  From the very beginning, you have no doubt that this will be a treasured friendship.   You know that you can go days, months, even years without talking and pick right back up where you left off - that is what friendship is!  You can share births, deaths, marriages, divorces and any life event and you know that person will always be by your side.  Those are the friendships that you LOVE to have - those are the ones that make your life complete.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 it says, " Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.  But woe to him who is alone when he fails, for he has no one to help him up."

So... what happens when there is a falling out?   What happens when there is an argument?  Unfortunately, we are all human, and we all have emotions and feelings that can get in the way of even the best intentions.  I say these things, because I know they are true from personal experiences.   I had the same best friend for years, she was not my only friend, but... she was the one who understood me completely!  We were  two peas in a pod, two crazies that were perfect together.  Then...life happened.   One week, turned into one month - one month turned into one year - one year turned into two, then three.   There was not a day that went by that I did not think of her, and her sweet family.   I was completely lost.. when you have been through so much with friends - they become family.  So... yes, you could say I was grieving the loss of my family.

Then, after literally years of not speaking - you have that moment where your heart is beating out of your chest, because of the fear of the unknown, you decide to make contact. You extend the olive branch.  As soon as you know everything will be fine - you have a sense of relief, you know that all is well with the world, and if you're me... you burst into tears (because that's what I do).  

Everyone is going to have broken bridges, and relationships you need to mend.  I would encourage everyone not to let a day go by without telling the ones you love how you feel -you never know when God may decide that He wants them back.  I can tell you, that I will never let years go by again, before I let someone know how much they mean to me and how much I love them!

It's all in His timing...

Have you ever been at a place in your life when you simply wonder what God has planned for you? Have you ever questioned decisions you have made?  You feel like you have been praying and seeking answers, but have never truly turned your life over to Him? As a Christian, I know that what happens in my life is according to God's timing - not my own. It can be very frustrating for us, because after all - we are human.  A good friend of mine once told me, that he would simply like to see God's watch.  How different would we live our life if we could see His watch? Would we treat people differently? Would we  live our lives differently?    I know that He will do what is best for me, and He knows better than I.  So... although I know all of these things, it doesn't make it any easier to live life and accept them. I must learn to put my faith in Him, and trust that He knows what is best for me!

 In Jeremiah 29:11 it says, ""For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord.  "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.""   This a gentle reminder that He knows what is best for us - He wants us to trust in him, and be able to our life from His perspective.  What would happen in our lives if we truly gave everything over to Him, for His will to be done?  What would happen if we truly let Him guide us every step of the way, instead of us trying to find the path on our own?   I'm not sure about you, but I am certain that amazing things would happen!  

The true meaning of friendship...

My favorite time of day, is early morning - before kids are awake, before the dog is barking, before anyone is up and moving.   I spend my morning with me, my Bible, quiet time in prayer - and of course my, my cup of coffee.   As I am sitting this morning, I'm thinking about the month of October and all of the things it represents. I used to think of Halloween, fall parties... the beginning of the holiday season.  Although, I still think of those things - Breast Cancer Awareness is now at the top of my list for October.

On August 31, 2009, at approximately 3:15 that afternoon I received a phone call from my dearest friend, that forever changed our lives.  We had been waiting patiently for biopsy results.  Although, you think you are prepared for the answers - you never really are.  The nurse let her know that the biopsy had returned positive, and she did indeed have breast cancer.  My heart sank, and I was literally sick to my stomach.  I pulled over on the side of the road to listen, and honestly - to cry.  That night, we both sat on her couch and cried.  How could this happen to someone with 3 kids at home, that was in their mid 30's?   I questioned God's plan.  I simply could not wrap my head around the news.   She was not only my friend, but over our many years together - she was family.  We had been through so many things together - our first prom, our first car, weddings, divorces, funerals. the birth of our six children, and the deaths of loved ones.  Never did we imagine that on of us would have cancer.

As her doctor's appointments were scheduled, her husband and I sat and listened, and anybody who knows me knows I asked lots of questions.  Then came the next round of "firsts" in our lives, the first chemo treatment, the first day her hair started falling out, the first time we shaved her head.  Then, we lined our boys up to shave their heads.  As the year progressed, she went through a double mastectomy, another round of chemo, and then she finally reached the ultimate goal - she was cancer free!

As I look back over those times, I often wondered why God allowed it to happen?   I look at the strength and courage it took, to fight the battle every day.  As I stood beside her, and watched her fight this fight with courage, grace and integrity every day - there is not a person I admire more.  I could only hope that if I ever had to fight the same battle, I could do it with as much faith and strength as she did.

So each October, I now reflect on my dear friend and her battle.  I rejoice in the fact that I still have my friend!  I cannot imagine what my life would be like without her!    She is the reason, I take chances and live with no regrets! She is the rock, you can always count on and the who I love more than anything!

Explain it - don't express it

This morning, as I was sitting and waiting on the kids to get ready for school.   I was scrolling through Pinterest wasting time.   As I was scrolling, I came across a quote - it stated, "Explain your anger - don't express it and you immediately open the door to solutions not arguments."  I immediately began thinking - what if people actually explained their anger instead of expressing it?  How many friendships would be saved?  How many relationships might be salvaged?  How many families could have been kept in tact?  What if people actually sat down and talked about the issues, instead of lashing out?   Anger causes us to act in ways we normally would not - it causes us to yell, scream and curse.  And afterwards, when you are finished expressing all of your anger - what happens?  Normally, I feel guilty. I know I said things I shouldn't have - I know I can never take those words back.  I think about everything the Bible says about anger, and am drawn to James 1:19-20.

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” (James 1:19–20 NLT)

We are told we should be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." How many of us remember these words in the heat of the moment? When you are really angry with someone, is listening the first thing you want to do? Sometimes, no! The first thing you do is to start talking, trying to prove your case. You try to prove they are wrong and you are right. Sometimes, we all need to take a step back from the moment, explain to the other person what it is we are upset about and then simply listen!

Taking it all in...

This morning, as I am sitting here in silence and thinking about my weekend there are several things that are on my mind.  I have said it before, and I have said it again - my life has truly been blessed beyond measure.  I have lifelong friends that I can trust and that are always there, I have three amazing children who surprise me on a daily basis, and I have a family that is more supportive than anyone could have ever hoped for or imagined.  As I look at my life over they last couple of years, there are lots of mistakes that have been made and there are lots of good things that have happened.  There have been a lot of accomplishments and there have been a lot of shortcomings - these things are just part of life.

As I sit here drinking coffee, listening to what He has to say, I was led to Romans 12.  The following portion of this chapter really hit home this morning:

Romans 12:9-21

New Living Translation (NLT)

9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection,[a] and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.[b] 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge;
    I will pay them back,”[c]
    says the Lord.

20 Instead,

“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
    If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
  In doing this, you will heap
    burning coals of shame on their heads.”[d]

21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

Wouldn't it be a great world to live in, if we could all live by this principle?   What would happen if instead of running people in the ground, we lifted them up?  If instead of talking about them, we prayed for them?  If someone hurt us, we prayed for not only our healing - but theirs as well?  What kind of difference would be made if we were truly happy for everyone's accomplishments?   

So... I would challenge everyone this week to remember these words and try to live by them, and change the world one person at a time!!  

So, it seems I always say I will get better at writing on a regular basis - but something always seems to come up and I am unable to.  Actually, things don't come up - life gets in the way.  You see, about a year ago my life completely changed.  I reconnected with a high school friend, we started talking, then going to dinner, then before you knew it we were in love and all was right with the world.  We made it through months of being apart, then decided we would put a plan in place.   It's funny - the best laid plans are the ones that sometimes don't work out.   We have different personalities, we like different things, we balanced each other out.  He was the yin to my yang.  We were happy!  Happy to the point where I was sure this was "it".  Then, life happens.   People who are not in our lives started giving opinions.  People who don't have a say so, interjected where they had no right.  Unfortunately, there opinions can get under our skin.  Make us question, put doubt in your minds.  As soon as doubt enters in  - it becomes a giant.  Fast forward, he is gone & I feel empty.  I want to be happy!  I want the can't live without me kind of love!  You know - the kind where you can't function without the other person entering your mind. As I have examined every aspect of this relationship in the last few days - I know I made a lot of mistakes, and for that I am sorry.  As a person, you have to accept that the other person brings their past into relationships and unfortunately those things determine how you react to certain things.  However, I also know that no one is perfect & a relationship not working goes both ways.  I know that I allowed myself to do something that I promised I would never do.  I know that God was not the center of this relationship, and without Him it will not work.  I have learned lessons, and I will take all those things into account in the future.

I am in a good place in my life.  I have a job I love, a fabulous family, the best friends a girl could ask for who are there when they are truly needed and I have three AMAZING kids!