'Tis the season to be Army strong...

'Tis the season... the season of celebrating Jesus' birth, the season of giving, and the season of spending time with family.  It is also the season of missing your loved ones when they can't be home for the holidays.  As a single mom, I have been very lucky to always have my kids with me for every Christmas. As an Army mom, I have been very fortunate to have my soldier home every year for Christmas...until this year.

There have been lots of holidays and special events over the last 3 years...there have been 12 birthdays (just in our immediate family), there have been multiple holidays every year (Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, July 4), there have been proms, high school graduations, college move-in days, K moving into her first apartment - all of these things have been missed by our soldier. Yes - we know this is what he signed up for, and we as a family support him unconditionally but...it is hard.  This year will be the first Christmas in 3 years he won't be home. While I am very thankful he is on U.S. soil - he's not in Tennessee. He is 3,901 miles from home.

Tonight, as I was finishing up Christmas shopping to get his box in the mail first thing tomorrow - as I was picking up a few last minute things...I was standing in the toy aisle with tears.  There are traditions that families have (even if they are silly) that when a piece of the puzzle for that tradition is going to be missing - it is hard.  Do you keep doing it?  Do you skip a year?  Do you try to make it work almost 4,000 miles away?   There is no right answer...so, you do your best to make the decision knowing that it will be hard - knowing that a big piece of your heart is going to be missing either way. Most days I have this "Army strong" thing down...tonight was not one of those nights. Tonight I miss my soldier something fierce.  As I was wrapping presents, and I was having my pity party (and yes, it was a pity party) - the phone rings, and it was my sweet soldier FaceTiming me.  Then, I remember that things could be worse. I remember just why I am so thankful for technology that allows me to see his sweet face from so far away. Then, I remember that although he is not home - he will be home soon and so many others will never get the opportunity to spend a holiday with their loved one again.  So... I put on my big girl panties, finished wrapping presents, packed his box, and have everything ready to be shipped tomorrow.  I know I will survive.  I know I will worry about him being so far away, but - I also know his active duty time is about over and I he will hopefully be home in the next 6 months. So...I thank God that he is safe, I say a prayer for all the other military moms that are not going to be with their loved ones and I suck it up and get back to the "Army strong" thing.

Missing back to school...

In the past week, I have gotten kind of nostalgic.  I have scrolled through social media, walked through stores, and realized that I truly miss the hustle and bustle of back to school shopping.  NEVER did I think I would miss searching for folders in certain colors, the correct brand of scissors and crayons, or notebook paper... but, I do!   I miss the excitement of getting ready to meet your teacher, going to registration and watching my kids catch up with their friends, comparing schedules to see if they have classes together, and the big decision of what you will wear on the first day.

While I really do miss buying crayons and markers - I have traded them in for so much more.  I am now buying bar stools and furnishings for K's first apartment.  I am looking at college schedules and watching my kids spread their wings.  I am still making appointments...just different kinds.  I sat down with my soldier and completed his Living Will, Last Will & Testament and his Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare (all with tears, and not feeling so "Army mom strong").  I watched as he got on a plane to head back to Alaska, and am now anxiously waiting to hear when he leaves for the "sandbox."  I have requested receipts from J, so I can make sure his bookkeeping doesn't get behind.  So, while I really do miss the chaos of getting ready for school - we are just getting ready for this season of life with a different kind of "grown up" chaos. 

The one thing that has not changed is the prayer that I pray every day for my kids.  I pray for them to have emotional, mental, and physical strength.  I pray for them to have the best year ever.  I pray for their safety and for God to wrap His arms around them.  I pray for them to make wise decisions and always seek His guidance before moving forward. 

So - for all you moms that simply are stressing about the red, blue and yellow 3 prong folders, the scissors, Clorox wipes and Crayola washable markers - ENJOY EVERY MINUTE!!  One day you are going to wake up, and wish you were still doing these things.  Take a deep breath, and know that if you think you can't just look in one more store - call me...I will happily shop for you and enjoy every minute! 

Let me tell you about my best friends...

Thirty(ish) years ago, there were several teenage girls that walked into a room - and all of a sudden we were "sisters." At that time, I had no idea the impact these ladies would leave on my life. All I knew was that when I was doing this thing called college...it allowed me to make some new friends and have a built in social life.  Little did I know that thirty years later, these ladies would still be by my side.

Now, let me just say...in college, we all did our own thing, had our own friends, and lived our own lives.  But, the one constant for us was each other and this sisterhood we shared. We were never those "cookie cutter" friends - meaning we were not all alike.  We were as different as night and day (and we still are today). Today...we are veterinarians, financial planners, station managers, training specialists, accounting people (which I can't imagine), account managers, and mom's.  If you forget about how different we are, you will see we are the constants in each other's lives. Over the years, there have been marriages, divorces, births, deaths, graduations, break-ups, and all of the things in between.  But, when those things happen - we gather around each other to celebrate, grieve, lift each other up, and  support each other. When one of us hurts - we all hurt.  When one of us cries - we all cry. There is no judgement, because we all know we are human and make mistakes.  We may throw hissy fits and act like children - but, we know that it is just part of life. And guess what? When we do those things - we pick up the pieces and within minutes we are laughing again. We may get upset with each other, but we talk it out or, we dance it out - whatever may be needed at that time.  But, most of all - we love each other unconditionally!

The best part about these people of mine - we don't have to see each other or talk to each other every day.  And, if you are not with us - you are missed. There is an unspoken understanding - if you need someone, you call.  If you reach out, we all know that we are only a phone call, or a short road trip away.  We may not see each other as often as we would like, and we may not talk as often as we should - but... we always have each other's  back and when we all get together, we pick up as if no time has passed.  And, this my friends...is priceless!

The past 10 days...

So...I'm going to start out by saying just how thankful I am for TRUE friends and family!  You know the ones who love your kids like their own, the ones who check on your at 3:00 am, the ones you can have a melt down in front of and there is no judging, the ones who tell you the cold hard truth because they love you, the ones who show up just to sit with you and take your mind off reality for a little while - these are the real heroes in my life!

We have been home for 3 days after a 7 day stay in the hospital with K. Now y'all...I know that this is not a long time in the big scheme of things, and I also know there are parents with much sicker kids than mine - but, 7 days of no sleep, tests for days while you are waiting on answers is simply exhausting.  So...here is where I give a big shout out to all the parents and families where this is their norm.  I cannot imagine doing what you do/have done, and I say this and mean it with my whole heart - please reach out if you need anything!! Anywho...moving on. On May 16, K started vomiting and for anyone who knows her or our struggle - this is terrifying.  Since she was 13, if she started vomiting we have ended up in the hospital for an extended stay. So, to say she panics when this starts may be an understatement, and this is not our first rodeo.  I picked her up, and we came home.  Now...everyone knows we live on houseboat and we have a long walk to get home.  When we got to the first dock, she was doubled over sitting down, screaming in pain and still vomiting.  At that point, I made the decision to forget home and go straight to the hospital.  We arrive around 8:30 pm that evening, and were finally admitted and got to her room around 3:30 am.  And, that is where it started.  The next morning, the hospitalist, GI specialist, and general surgeon came in, As she is telling all doctors what she is feeling, what hurts, and explaining in detail every symptom - 2 of the 3 doctors did everything except tell her she was making all of this up and it was in her head.  Now...anyone who knows me, can only imagine just how well that went over.  Everyone agreed that what she was describing were gallbladder problems, but no one wanted to check because after all..."18 year old's don't have those issues." Thankfully, the hospitalist decided to do an ultrasound and CT of her abdomen.  The results, a distended gallbladder, but no gall stones.  So again, the other 2 - "it can't be her gallbladder if there are no gallstones. That would be rare, and it just doesn't happen to 18 year old's"  Day 3, of still no answers, K is still nauseous despite zofran, phenegran, and reglan all given by IV on a regular basis.  The hospitalist comes in and says he thinks we should do an endoscopy and a HIDA scan.  The HIDA scan will check the functionality of the gallbladder.  Hallelujah!!! I was jumping for joy...now, we might get some answers. The next morning (Sunday) they called in a nuclear team for the scan, and took her down. And, surprise surprise - there was no gallbladder function...I mean it didn't even show up on the scan.  The next morning, the surgeon comes in and says, "well, I saw the results from the scan and it looks like gallbladder is coming out tomorrow, after the endoscopy today." What I haven't told you is that every doctor that came in every morning, I argued K's side while they were all for the most part telling her she was making it all up and she was fine.  Thankfully, I pushed enough where they actually ran the tests to find out that there was no gallbladder function, The final post-op diagnosis was chronic cholecystitis. Then I asked the dreaded question, "Is this what we have been dealing with for 5 years?" and the answer was, "probably so."

In addition to all the crazy gallbladder issues, they could not get her blood pressure regulated (one night it was down to (78/29), she ran a fever for 6 days, had a bacteria infection in her intestines and stomach, and they discussed her having sepsis.  Y'all...I say all of this to remind every parent - fight for your kids, even if you're not sure what you are fighting for.  When they don't have a voice, or no one is listening - make sure they are heard.  We had 7 days of no sleep, and some complications since we have been home, but my princess is finally on the mend. 

In the last 10 days, my oldest has put his life on hold making sure Sadie is taken care of, and that we had everything we needed.  My soldier has checked in multiple times a day to make sure his sissy is okay. My parents were at the hospital every day to make sure I wasn't alone.  My sister came to sit with K, just so I could have an hour to myself.  K's co-workers have stepped up and taken all of her shifts.  Friends showed up with food, to make sure I was fed. My co-workers have been amazing in making sure nothing dropped through the cracks, because this is my crazy time of year.  Unexpected friendships have come out of this week, and quite honestly - this may have been my highlight. Out of town family has called and checked in every day, and the number of people who have showed up and prayed with us and for us I cannot count.

To say thank you to everyone for the past 10 days does not seem enough. I love you all, and couldn't imagine doing life without my people, so THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!

My mom...

With Mother's Day quickly approaching, I find myself thinking about several things. First...I am extremely blessed and thankful that God chose my mom to be MY mom!  Let me just tell you about my mom...she is loving, kind, selfless, the epitome of a Christian mother and she has the patience of Job (and, y'all...she had to because I was her daughter).  She loves my daddy, me and my siblings, and her grandchildren like no other.  She loves us fiercely and BIG!  She will not only pray for you, but will pray with you.  She is always ready to hop up and go shopping, and very seldom would say no to a road trip.  She is truly not appreciated enough, and we probably don't tell her we love her enough.  But...she is the glue that holds our family together.  There is not a birthday or a holiday that goes by that there is not a family dinner. There is nothing too little or too big  to celebrate in our family, and as two of my kids would tell you...our family is "extra." She is truly one of a kind and I could not be more thankful to be able to call her my mom. 

Second...I am a mother to three amazing kids and they continue to amaze me and make me proud every single day.  There is not a day that goes by, that I don't wonder how I got so lucky to have these humans belong to me.   They are goofy, funny, caring, kind, free spirited and not scared to follow their dreams...they made me a mom.  They challenge me and try my patience, but they are the best part of me and are my biggest accomplishment. My only hope is that I make them proud and can be half the mom that my mom has been to me.   

Last, but not least...my heart is heavy for my friends who no longer have their mom's with them.  Some have not had their mom's for years, and for other's this will be the first Mother's Day. I cannot even begin to fathom what my life would be like without my mom in it.  For those enough lucky enough to still have our mom's with us... celebrate them, hug them, and make sure they know they are loved.  Thank them for everything they have done and continue to do.  For my sweet friends who no longer have their mom's...know that I will be praying for peace, comfort, and for His arms to be wrapped around you on Mother's Day!  I think the one thing we can all agree on...there is no love like a mother's love! 

 “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Here's to changes and heroes...

So…here we are in the third month of the year.  If you would have asked me in December, if I envisioned my life as it is right now…the answer would have been a definite NO!  Now, I’m going to be completely honest…2018 ended like a head on train wreck! And…to be quite honest – part of 2019 started that way as well. And (just so we’re clear)…when I say train wreck – just ask my kids and close friends!  I’m not exaggerating and I am pretty darn sure some of them would love to stand in line a say choice words to one person in particular.  I say all of this to let you know – this was the pivotal moment that I decided that God’s plan HAD to be bigger and better than my plan and that 2019 was going to be a year of change!

My first big change of the year was moving onto a houseboat.  Y’all… I LOVE it!  Everything about this makes me happy.  I had become a great big stress ball in between work and life, and I was truly becoming a person I did not like.  And, if I didn’t like myself – then how in the world did I expect other people to?  So… shout out to all the people who loved me when I’m pretty sure I was unbearable. There is something about walking down a dock, and feeling the stress and craziness of the day just melt away.  You can feel yourself slow down, take deep breaths, and just simply breathe!  I have gotten up every morning to see the sun rise, and let me just tell you – if you have never taken the time to get up and watch it… you really should!  I can promise you that you will NOT be disappointed!

My second big change of the year was removing people from my life that caused me to be negative or stressed.  Now…let me just say – family is NOT included in this change.  Yes – family stresses us out sometimes, but…family is family.  PERIOD. But this can include unfriending, unfollowing, or whatever else you can do to eliminate people on social media.  It can mean that you realize that you don’t have to be friends with everyone.  You can simply be cordial and kind.

My third big change (and it’s not even really a change), is making sure that I surround myself with people who love me and have my best interest at heart.  Now…this is where I am going to say that I have the BEST family, framily, and work family around!   Not only do I have a family who is abnormally close, but I have a family that I have chosen (or they have chosen me) over the years.  And, to those people – I am forever grateful.  Those are the people who are the real heroes every day.  They are the ones who love me when I’m unlovable and the ones who support my craziness. They are the ones I can call at 2:00am, and I would never question if they would pick up the phone.  They are the ones who pray for you and with you, and you know that you are always covered.  These people really are the real heroes in my life! 

So…as I finish up March – I will continue to pray for guidance, and do my best to follow HIS plan (not mine) and I am super excited to see what life brings me next!

Lifelong friends

Once upon a time there were two little girls.  Their parents were the best of friends, so they had no choice except to be friends at birth.  Now- when I say since birth...I am NOT exaggerating! H was born in 1999, so when K came along in 2000 - she was there! They were together through the toddler years (the stage where H would hit K, and some days we would all wonder if they would end up hating each other), they were together all through elementary school, the awkward middle school years and every step along the way in high school. These two girls have been together for every major event in their life.  There have been divorces, deaths, births, heartbreaks, road trips, beach vacations. IKEA trips, concerts, jam sessions and our first visit to Denny's - you name it, and they have done it...TOGETHER! They are the true epitome of what friendship should be. Not only are they always only a phone call away - they are truly each other's biggest cheerleaders. There is not a jealous or competitive bone (at least not with each other) in their body. Put them on a team together, and they may hurt you trying to win. There have been countless FaceTime calls with tears of joy and happiness. There have been angry texts because one of them had their heart broken. There have been promposals, because seriously - who else would you take to prom besides your bestie?!? I'm pretty sure in their 18 years together - there has never been an argument between them. There are days that I am pretty sure they share a brain, and may quite possibly be the same person. 

And...one of my favorite parts of this sweet friendship - I have a bonus daughter (who I love like my own). And...extra bonus - she will feed me cheesecake while I'm driving on road trips!! If you have ever needed inspiration for what true friendship looks like - these two sweet hearts have it perfected! If you spend any time with them, you will fall in love with them and their love, loyalty and support for each other. They are the example of what every friendship should look like!

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up." Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10

My life...

Normally when I sit to down start writing, I have a specific purpose in mind...but, not tonight.  Tonight my brain is going in a million different directions, and so...here I am. First, let me start with if you have not read the book, "Girl, Wash Your Face" by Rachel Hollis - you MUST!!  I'm not talking about "oh hey, you should give this a try" - I'm talking about the book that is nothing short of life changing and will truly help you become a better version of yourself. 

Next...forgive always.  People are human.  They say things and do things that are not always correct, they are not always kind, and they can definitely be hurtful.  In spite of all of those things - forgive anyway!  You don't have to let them into your inner circle once you've been hurt - but, don't give up on them just yet.  You never know what someone else is going through and what their inner demons are, so when someone hurts you - FORGIVE!  What if Jesus had not forgiven us of our sins?  I know I would be in BIG trouble.  So, if Jesus can forgive me - I can forgive others.

Next...second chances.  My kids and close friends will tell you that I give more second chances than are necessary. But, let me tell you...very rarely have I ever regretted giving someone a second chance. Just because someone makes a mistake once, does not mean they are destined to make the same mistake over and over.  Don't give up on people, you never know when you giving them a second chance could make all the difference in their world. 

Next...choose joy every day!  When I think about joy... I think about the song I sang as a kid, "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart."  Joy is the long lasting feeling that comes from true happiness and is simply heart warming.

Lastly...my goal for the remainder of this year is to do find a vacation every day!  Yes...that means doing something every single day that is going to help me create a life that I do not need a vacation from. So...I am making a huge change and going to live on a houseboat!  Yes... some people will think I'm crazy, but I am SUPER excited!! When I told my mom I was considering this, her comment was, "I can't believe I birthed you."  Well..she did, and we are more alike than we care to think - I am definitely just a wee bit more adventurous than she is.  But...back to the boat. Honestly - please...just look at the view! Does it even get any better?? I think not!  So...for the remainder of the year (more so on March 1)... I will be finding a vacation every single day, and I would encourage everyone to do the exact same thing!

My people and dating...

This is probably the most real thing that I have posted in a while.  There is something to be said about dating in your 40's. And, quite honestly...I'm not sure that I have many nice things to say.  When you decide to date post divorce, there are many factors that come into play. First...you have your kids.  Now - let me say...I love my kids more than anything in this world.  But, when it comes to someone  hurting me - they are not forgiving.  They will be the first to say that they want to see their mom happy, but they will also be the first to say that "if you hurt my mom - then I will hurt you." They also have no problem voicing their opinions to the other person.  You see, this is one of the beautiful things about being a single mom - you get ALL the love and protectiveness from these humans that love you more than anything (even if they hated you during the middle school and high school years).  Second...you have your friends.  If you are lucky enough to have the friends I have - they will either love the person you are with with their whole hearts or they will hate them forever for you when you break up (even if you think there might be a chance you can forgive). They will say all the ugly things you are thinking, but just can't seem to vocalize. And, for the record - when my friends love...they love and when they hate...they HATE! Third...you have your family.  Now, this is where the balance comes in.  When do you introduce them?  Or, do you at all?  Do you just wait to possibly say one day, "hey, I'm getting married," because you know that announcement would have a lot less questions than having to explain a break up.  Oh, and for the record...your family and friends are probably the best judge of character around!  They are the ones that know you the best, and that truly have your best interest at heart. So...there's that. 

All of this to be said...dating isn't all bad. Every once in a while there is someone that comes along and makes you realize that it's okay to love again and they give you that hope that one day you may find your person. They make you realize that there are some really good guys left out there if you take the time to get to know them. And, even if they don't end up being your Prince Charming - they may end up being one of the best friends you could ever have.  Or...you may realize that you already have your people and you are surrounded by them every single day.  They are the people who always have your back, that will show up at the most unexpected moment and know what you need more than you do yourself.  These are my people...the ones I love with my whole heart!

Loving BIG

There are many things that I think of when it comes to 2018.  There have been many changes, many things to celebrate and many heartbreaks.  There have been personal accomplishments at work and at home, and I have loved watching my kids grow.  When I think back over the past 12 months, and I think about my family and friends - words cannot even express the love and gratitude I have for each of them! As I have been watching social media this week, and seeing what word to choose for 2019 - this got me thinking...what would my word be?  Well - my word is BIG. The definition of the word big is 1) considerable size, extent or intensity and 2) of considerable importance or seriousness. Why is my word BIG...well, let me tell you.  


1. We have a BIG God. When I think about all of the things in life that we go through, there are some things that are simply unexplainable.  We may lose loved ones, we may have a crisis with our health, or we may have issues with our kids and loved ones.  When things happen...we may question Him and wonder why - but we may be asking the wrong questions.  Even in times of trial, we need to ask what God is trying to show us. Regardless, of what we go through - we come out on top, God has our back.  Why? Because we have a BIG God. In Psalm 147:3-6 we are told:


 "3  He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 4  He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. 5  sGreat is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. 6  The Lord lifts up the humble; he casts the wicked to the ground."

2. When you love someone - you should love BIG. How many relationships do you go into not giving your all because you don't want to be hurt? Well, if you enter every relationship/friendship scared that you will be hurt - think about what you may be missing out on. Whether it is a friendship, a relationship with a family member or friend that needs to be mended or with a significant other - you should always love BIG...even if it means you may get hurt along the way. What would happen if you went into every relationship loving the other person the best way you know how?  Not only should we love each other big...we should love our God big. In Luke 10:27, we are told:

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself."

So, going into 2019... I am going to love my God and my people BIG!

Happy New Year y'all!