The good stuff...

When I think about the things in life that make me smile, there really are not  any big, big things - they are truly the little things.  The little things like... someone looking at you and your heart melting, the butterflies when you see that someone special, the silly grin on your face when that special someone's name pops up on your phone, a big hug that makes you forget anything else, a simple "I love you"... these are the things I consider "the good stuff."   These are the things for me, that make all the bad things and the tough times worth it.  You see, I am not a materialistic person -  I am not motivated by money and things.  I have had it all, lost it all and I can honestly say, even when you THINK you have it all, normally it is the little things that are missing and you realize you really have nothing.  This is why, no matter what the circumstances... I know I am truly blessed and my life is filled with "the good stuff."

Very blessed

I'm not even sure where to begin, the last 10 days for me have been almost perfect.  It started last Friday, when I went to Center Hill to meet my sorority sisters for our lake weekend.  Yes, we are in our 40's... yes, we still act like we are in our 20's when we get together.   We have all come from different backgrounds, and different walks of life - yet, we all love each other dearly.  This is the most unjudgemental group of women.  We have been through, marriages, divorces, births and deaths.. we love each other unconditionally.  I am truly convinced when God put us together 20+ years ago, He knew we would need each other later in life.  I can honestly say, my life is better because of these women! 

Next on the list, is my crazy life.  Have you ever had one of those days, where when you wake up you simply want to pull the covers back over your head and go to bed?  Do you ever wonder exactly where you stand with someone?  Wonder exactly what their feeling are?  Well, anyone who knows me knows that I have lots of questions - I am one question asking fool!  Every time I think I have my life figured out, and I have things under control - something changes!  I don't like change... I like to have the same food every year at Christmas dinner, I like sit at the same seats at the dinner table, and yes - I like tradition!  With these things, you always know what is going to happen.  Well, in my life lately, I have no idea what is happening!  I am trying to enjoy the fact that sometimes the best things happen, when you are least expecting them.  I realize that everything you do in life is a risk, and sometime, you just have to figure out if the risk is worth the possible reward.  That sometimes, God has a better plan for you, than you have for yourself. I am trying to sit still and listen to what He has to say.

At the end of the day, when I look at my life - I have 3 amazing kids, a fabulous group of women who surround me with love and the best group of friends anyone could ask for.  Yes... I am truly blessed!

Expectations

I'm sitting here and for the first time I have so many things on my mind, I'm not even sure where to start.  In the past 6 months, I have made some major decisions in my life.  I decided to go back to school full-time (not sure what I was thinking), I have broken up with the person who I thought was "the one", and I have learned a lot about myself and what I expect of other people.  You see... I do not expect a lot from anyone - I expect for people to treat each other with respect, I expect for you to be kind and above all else, I expect people to be honest.  I never knew that those three little things could be so hard!   I have also discovered in the last six months, that the people who you thought you would never depend on, are the very ones who will never disappoint and let you down.  They are the ones who turn into your best friends and they are the ones who are quick to provide a reality check when needed. 

Change?!?

As I sit here this morning thinking about my life, I have lots of things to be thankful for.  I am thankful for my family, my sweet friends who are always there and never let me down, and I am extremely thankful for three amazing kids who are the loves of my life.  I have a job that I truly love and I love the people I work wih every day.  Although, I have so many things to be thankful for, there is still something missing - that one special person to share my life with.   And yes... I thought I had found that person, and just when I think I have it all figured out... it all changes! You see, I do not like change at all - and in the last six years, I have had more change than I have ever wanted.  My whole life has changed - I have gotten a divorce, moved, changed jobs and J graduated and moved out... just to name a few.  So, you would think I would be used to change by now...right??  Not so much, but it seems that the one thing consistent in my life is change.  As I imagine what my life will be like a year from now, the one thing I am hoping for is change!

It's a New Year... again.

As I sit here this morning, reflecting on 2011... all I can say is that I am glad it's over. 2011 has brought a lot of challenges and struggles. It has brought a lot of changes (good & bad) and it has brought a lot of heartache. My kids have gotten another year older - I no longer have kids in elementary school. I now have 2 middle school students and a college freshman. I am now in my 40's... and am officially in my mind getting old. So... a lot of changes have taken place.

J leaving for college was one of the hardest things by far this year. He has been my constant over the last 18 years. He has been what my life has revolved around for as long as I can remember. He is my pride and joy! When you come home after a long day and feel like you are at rock bottom, one bear hug from him and a "I love you Mom", all is right with the world. The days leading up to him leaving were emotional for everyone. We sat & talked, walked down memory lane. C & K were attached to him like they would never see him again. We shopped, gathered together things he would need. We talked about what was expected while he was in college and then we cried. Then the morning came that it was time to move him. He was so excited that I had a hard time being sad. You see, I had spent 18 years teaching him everything I could, and giving him wings and now it was time... time to let him fly! It was so much harder than I expected. As we were packing our cars that morning, and running back and forth trying to make sure nothing was forgotten (which it was), he looked at me and simply said "thank you". I told him no thanks were needed and that I loved him. We then got in cars, and he followed me the whole way to college. When we got there, we walked in his dorm room and we got busy. We started cleaning and unpacking and before you knew it, it was time for me to leave. Yes, actually leave him there and me drive back home and hour and a half. I would no longer be there to make sure he was eating properly, to make sure he had medicine if he was sick. I would not be there to go check on him and watch him sleep, and say a little prayer for him like I had done every night. Yes... I had to get in my car and drive home. We said our goodbyes, gave him one last hug and kiss and then got in my car, started driving home, and cried the whole way! I never knew how hard it would be... now I know that for the next 5 years I have C, I need to truly cherish every moment, because one day you wake up and they are grown.

K has had her own exciting year... she has grown into a lovely young lady. She has started middle school and is trying to figure out exactly who she is. She has the kindest heart and truly wants to live her life according to God's plan. She was baptized on Mother's Day... there was no greater joy than watching her turn her life over to the Lord. She has developed her own "attitude"... which I am assuming comes with middle school girls. She is the sweet one who has the knack for meeting strangers and making friends with them. She went to church camp for the first time (her first overnight camp, away from home). She came back ready to be a witness and share the word of God. She has made great imporovements at school and works very hard to make good grades. She truly earns every grade she gets. She is an inspiration and shows us what determination and perseverance can accompolish.

C has been his normal easy going self, but has had his hurdles too. He is now in the 8th grade, and it is hard to believe that he will be in high school soon. He is playing ball on a travel team and loving every minute. Watching him walk out on a field to play the game he loves, is an amazing feeling. He has developed his own sense of humor and has really come into his own. He has been diagnosed with Celiac Disease this year, and that is proving to be a challenge. But he will be fine, and he will flourish after we figure it all out.

Now... as for me (ugh)! My life has been somewhat of a mess. It has the good parts and the bad parts as well. I started a new job this year, and that has been one of the good parts. It has enabled me to be home with my sweet babies at a decent hour and be back where I should be, involved in every aspect of their life. TK (the boyfriend) and I have been back together since the summer, but that has proved to have it's own challenges. So, I just pray on a daily basis that He will show me His plan, and I will have my heart and mind open to listen and follow it. As I look at the New Year, for me, it is a time of forgiveness. It is a time to look at my mistakes from the past year, look at the people I have hurt, and the people that have hurt me. It is time to let go of the negativity, and forgive. It is time to make some changes to my life, that are for the better. This is a year to hold my kids a little bit closer and hug them a little bit tighter. So... here's to 2012!