the more things chage... the more they stay the same!

Well, a lot has happened in a couple of weeks. Just when you think you might be getting your life back, and you are back on your feet, it always seems the rug is pulled from underneath you! Why??? I must ask, why can't it be simple?? You see, the ex and I have been dating, and he had been on a guys trip. He was fine before he left, everything was going well, I thought we were making progress. Obviously, I am stupid! He comes back from being gone, and is a completely different person. Then I get the "I need to find me" speech before I can make anyone else happy. I don't ever want to hurt you and the kids again! Well, guess what big guy, you have! Fast forward 10 days, and everything is hunky dory again! I wish someone could please tell me when the crap do I get my happily ever after!! Oh well, moving on to more important things... my kids!

Last night was Senior Night for J and the last home game of his high school football career. It is so hard to believe that he is a senior, and I am going to have to let him go. I watch these boys go out on the field every week to play the game that they love. I can honestly say, that J leaves his heart on the field at the end of every game. I can also say it is completely heart breaking to watch these boys play their hearts out and not get the results on the scoreboard that they deserve. This is a special group of senior boys. They are all good, Christian young men that all have a special place in my heart. They have a bond that is like no other. They truly have each other's back in any and every situation, and they are a family. These boys have been such a huge part of my life over the last 4 years, it is hard to imagine my life without them in it every week. I have had the privilege of getting to know and love each one of these boys, and couldn't be more thankful for that opportunity!

As I try to imagine my life with C & K, next year... it is very hard. To think that we will be home, and J will have gone off to start another chapter in his life. I know I must give him wings, but it is so very hard to let him fly!

uuugghhhh!!! and aaaawwwww :)

This is almost a new record... twice in one week! Oh well, I figure if I have something to say, it is better to go ahead and say it! Where to start?? Well, let's start with the dating life. As I have mentioned previously, I have been datting my ex. There are days, I question my judgement, then there are days I know I am doing the right thing. Now, I know that every relationship has ups and downs, but tonight I am just completely frustrated!! He has been out of town since Thursday, and I have not talked to him at all. I am sure he sees this as "no big deal", but when someone says, "I will talk to you tomorrow", I (stupid little me) assume they mean exactly that. I will talk to them tomorrow. So, tomorrow has come and gone and another tomorrow has come and gone, and I have NOTHING!!! I know we all need our time away, I know we all need to have fun, but however, I am completely frustrated by this. So now the big question is... do I say something about this, or let it slide?? Oh well... I guess I will sleep on this one, and decide in the morning. Now, on to more important things... my kids!!

Friday night was one of the biggest football games of the season for J. He is a senior, and we were playing our cross town rivals. I do not like to lose, and despise being on teams that do lose. I believe everyone should play with 1,000% all the time, and with 5,000% heart. If you do those things, you will always come out a winner, no matter what the score board says. I cannot tell you how proud I am of my #6. When he steps out on the field, to play the game he loves, he gives 1,000% and plays with 5,000% heart. He is truly a leader on and off the field, and has turned into a wonderful young man.

C & K went to stay with my father-in-law today, the first time since Nana has been gone. I was worried about how the day was going to go. Not that Papa is not capable of taking care of them, but they have always had Nana there for entertainment. I knew this would be a strange day. So... they were given a lecture about not fighting, and having to get along and help Papa. I got there this afternoon, and once again was extremely proud of these little guys. They worked all day helping Papa and Aunt C cleaning out the pantry, closets and some of Nana's things. They did it all without anyone asking, and were happy to help! Once again, I was reminded of the great kids I have!

So, just when you think all your kids do is argue and fight... no worries. Give them a little credit. They will always surprise you and make you the proudest mom on earth!

A few things....

Well, it has been a month since I have blogged. I promised I would do better, but... not so much! It just seems that when you get ahead, just a little, something always happens to push you way far back. I guess it is just called life! This past month has been a very emotional month. My sweet mother-in-law (well, technically ex mother-in-law), lost her battle with cancer on Septemeber 22. My dad is still fighting the fight, and doing very well. My oldest is almost half way through his senior year, and... I just simply seem to cry all the time! You know, I have never been much of a crier, but here lately, I am just one big weepy mess!

Well, now an update on the..... "dating life". I am spending more and more time with my ex these days, and things seem to be going well. The one thing I have learned not to ask him about is us! He does not like to talk about it, so I am left to use my imagination, which is not really a good thing. You see, imaginations can go way wild! I am trying to accept everything for what it is and take it day by day. Although, sometimes it is really hard, when all I really want to do is scream, " I NEED SOME ANSWERS!" So, I am learning patience!

I make a promise right now, to blog more regularly, for all my thousands of readers out there (really??? I don't even think there is one). Until next time....