No words...

Tonight I'm sitting here, with honestly about a million thoughts going through my head.  The last couple of weeks have had so many emotions, that I'm not even sure I know what to feel.  Last week, my whole world was completely rocked when a 21 year old soldier passed.  I woke up at 3:06 a.m. to my phone ringing.  When I answered, C simply said, "Mom, I need you to pray."  He went on to let me know he was at the ER, and was waiting with another one of his buddies.

As the details of the story unfolded over the next few days - my heart was broken for so many reasons.  I replayed the days prior to this event, and was trying to put myself in the other mother's place.  You see...as a military mom - when your child goes into the field and there is live fire present, you mentally prepare yourself knowing that something could go wrong. You know that your soldier is being trained to be the best - but, you are also very aware there is a human element to the training.  You know that if they deploy, there is a risk. On the Tuesday prior to the event, I had received the text from C that simply said, "I just got back a couple of hours ago.  Thought I would let you know, I love you." In my mind, I am assuming the other mom received a phone call or text that was similar.  On Friday, I received the call that my soldier would get to come home for Christmas and I was elated.  Again, I am assuming the other mom received the same call. When they are back where they are supposed to be (in their barracks) you breathe a sigh of relief.  You know they are safe!

This is where our stories are different.  I received the phone call from my son, asking me to pray.  She received a visit from the United States Army, letting her know she had lost her son. I cannot even begin to wrap my head around the next few moments, the hours, the days ahead and what they would feel like.  I cannot imagine how much this families life is going to change. I cannot imagine feeling the void in their hearts.  What I do know is that my heart aches for this sweet family and I have never felt so helpless - so, I just pray!  I have prayed for peace and comfort without ceasing.

This afternoon, I got the honor to speak to this mom and there were no words.  There were tears and letting them know that if they needed anything at all I would do whatever I could. More importantly, there were promises to continually pray for this sweet family in the days ahead. Tonight, I urge you all - tell your loved ones just how much you love them, hug them tight, and do not take anything for granted.

"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed.  For I am your God, I will strengthen you.  I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Sisterhood

Over the past two months, there have been lots of changes in my life.  The big change...the baby of our family (our princess) has started to spread her wings.  Now, let me just say - this has not been easy (for either of us). On August 12, we packed our cars and were ready to move her to Chattanooga the next morning and let her start her next adventure.  We made it through move-in day, said our quick good-byes and I got back on the road headed home.  That afternoon...her adventure began.

The first thing on her agenda was her first meeting to start the week of sorority recruitment (rush).  Now - let me tell you... I can confidently say that I was way more nervous than she was.   It immediately took me back in time 28 years, when I went through rush.  I can remember the nerves and the feelings of not knowing what will happen next.  As she went through the week, every evening I got a phone call giving me an update on what had happened that day.  Now, let me say - everyone that knows me, knows that my sisterhood in Kappa Delta is priceless to me.  I truly believe that God knew what he was doing 28 years ago, when we all ended up in our chapter room together.  Still to this day...my KD sisters are some of my best friends! Also, before I go any further - I told her from the very beginning, "I'm never going to be upset if you don't pledge KD, I just want you to find your people - your home."  Now...yes, I said this - but y'all deep in my heart, I really was hoping and praying for olive green and pearl white.

As the week went on, Thursday night - she called after she turned everything in and said, "Mom, I really want to be a KD.  I don't know what happened tonight, but when I went in the house - I knew that's where exactly where I wanted to be." Y'all, this was like music to my ears. After preference, I got the call that she had put KD as her first choice, and she wasn't sure that she would accept a bid from another sorority.  So - you can only imagine the nerves over the next 12 - 15 hours.   The other thing I will say here - I did not go through any of this alone.  I had all of my KD sisters by my side every step of the way.  We  had a group text message, so everyone could get a play by play of what was happening.  They  texted and called K offering words of encouragement - making sure she was enjoying the whole experience.  On Bid Day,  I sat on the phone with one of my dear sisters who was going through her own personal trials (leading up to the days of losing her mom), but - she wanted to be there in some form when I got the call.  The call finally came, "Mom, I'm a KD," and yes - there were tears.

Fast forward... last night I got the honor of pinning my sweet daughter.  It was a moment that I will not forget.  As I sat as an alum, and took in the whole initiation process (from a whole different view) - there were several things that were very clear.  We all come from different backgrounds, and different walks of life - but a sisterhood can bring you all together.  You grow to love these people, you depend on these people, and they become your family.  You realize whether it is 10 years, 20 years or almost 30 years later - that these are your people!

BE the change

Tonight I sat down to write because it's something I haven't done in a while and I really wasn't sure what I wanted to say.  I have a million random thoughts, but honestly - I'm not sure that I could make heads or tails out of them to actually have them make sense.  So..,I did what I always do when I get to this place - I picked up my Bible to see what God has to tell me. I sat my Bible down and just let it fall open to wherever it may.  As soon as I looked down at the page - I read exactly what I needed to hear.

"Look at my servant, whom I strengthen. He is my chosen one, who pleases me. I have put my Spirit upon him. He will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or raise his voice in public. He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged. He will not falter or lose heart until justice prevails throughout the earth. Even distant lands beyond the sea will wait for his instruction." Isaiah 42: 1-4

Y'all...this is exactly what I needed to hear! How many of us just simply get broken down and feel defeated? This is just the reminder that I needed.  Christ will not toss us aside if we are struggling...he won't throw us away and view us as being useless.  He will pick us up...he will not crush us when we are weak. Every single one of us should strive to have the same values and attributes that are mentioned in this passage.  How desperately do we need these things in our world today? Building people up, instead of putting them down. Talking calmly to others, instead of raising our voices and yelling. As children of God, we should be reflecting his goodness and honesty to everyone we meet. If all of us were truly living like this, could you imagine what this world would be like? What a difference we could all make! 

So, my challenge to each of you is to be that change this week - be the hands and feet of Jesus.  When someone is having a bad day at work...be the one who will listen and offer solutions. When  kids are driving someone crazy...offer to babysit, maybe the parents just simply need a break. When someone just simply wants to pull their hair out and have a good cry - don't just walk away, be present and listen,  maybe they just need a hug and to know someone cares.

The simplest way I know to sum this up is be kind.  Be kind always!

College bound (almost)

This morning I am sitting here enjoying my quiet time, and simply thanking God for all of the blessings in my life.   Yes...every day I should know how incredibly blessed I am, but life happens.  When life happens...people make you angry, you get mad at yourself, and you get down on yourself.  You forget just how blessed you are! Now y'all...when I say I'm blessed - I truly mean it! I have the three most amazing kids EVER, I have six pretty amazing nieces and nephews (who by the way are crazy talented), I have a brother and sister who have not only put up with my craziness through the years, but have even embraced it when they needed to.  And, let's don't forget my parents...bless!  They have had to deal with my antics for my whole life and they really should get an award for that!!

But, back to the point... over the the last week, I have watched all of my loved ones take time out of their lives to wish our princess well in the next chapter of her life.  I have watched as our framily (yes - framily, friends who turn into family) has reassured her that she will do great things, that she will be missed daily but will be home soon enough, and as they have simply loved on her!

I'm not gonna lie, we are both a little anxious about her leaving, but not for the reasons you would think.  I do not have one doubt that she will succeed at anything in life that she puts her mind to.  She is a dysphonetic dyslexic who has overcome so much, and has worked so hard for everything she has earned.  So... I don't worry about her going to class or making good grades. I worry about silly stuff!  Like... who in the world am I going to watch the Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise with?  Yes... it is our guilty pleasure every week. When I'm having a bad day... who is going to blare the music and dance it out with me? Who in the world is going to sing my duets with me in the car?? Ya know... not everyone knows the soundtrack to High School Musical and Frozen!!

So, today we are going to enjoy one last day and one more sleep before we move the princess in her dorm to start the next chapter of her life.  When I think about this time in her life, I am reminded of my favorite Bible verse that I have held onto for so many years, "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." ~ 1 Corinthians 10: 12-13. This verse is a reminder that we are going to encounter hard times, but God will always be there to pick us up, and help us through. And, above all else.. remember to stand strong in your beliefs! 

Now, to all my friends...just know that I will be an empty nester in less than 24 hours and I might spontaneously burst into tears. And, to my friends that have little ones... enjoy every minute - 18 years goes by in the blink of any eye.  But... I could not be more excited for my princess and the journey that is about to begin!

Things are changing...

Well, we are down to officially six more sleeps before my princess leaves for college.  I'm not sure how it happened so fast, but there is one thing for certain - things are changing! I'm not sure how it has happened, but... my baby is leaving for college.  I was prepared when my oldest moved out, because after all - he was the oldest.  Then the middle one left.. not for college, but he enlisted in the United States Army.  Now... the Army took more than a little adjustment and a whole lot of praying. But now... y'all, it's my BABY!!! AND... it's my only girl!  She is a whole different story!

Let me just tell you a couple of things... she is my ride or die, my dance partner in the kitchen, my forever road tripper and my steering wheel dance partner.  She is the one who can make a bad day good and that can make me laugh until I just about pee my pants. She is my karaoke partner in the car, with windows down and music up. She is the one who will watch Christmas movies with me year round, and loves tradition just as much as I do.  She is sassy, stubborn, strong-willed, kind, and above all else she is a Jesus lover and a prayer warrior!

I have tried to imagine what this was like for my parents when they moved me into my dorm, but honestly...I think I was such a brat - they were probably ready for a break!  So, for the next seven sleeps... I am going to soak up as much time as I can and enjoy every minute.  Yes...I know that she will only be 2 1/2 hours away, and yes... I know that we can visit as often as we need.  But, it is the day-to-day that I'm going to miss and all the little things that she has spoiled me with.  Oh...how I love my sweet girl!

An empty nest (almost)...

28 sleeps.  This is the way we count down when big and important events happen in our home...we count the number of sleeps.  As many sleeps as we have counted down over the years, this may be one of the biggest ones yet.  This is the number of sleeps until we move the princess (and the baby) to college for her to start the next chapter of her life.  I feel like I have blinked, and here we are 18 short years later.  The baby of the family has grown up and there is not a thing I can do about it!

She is our princess, and if you know her - you KNOW that she IS the princess!  I will tell you though, she is the sweetest princess I know!  After having two boys, when I was told I was having a girl I did not believe the doctor.  Then... here she was.  My little curly headed, 7 lb. 9 oz. baby girl.  Y'all... I had NO idea what to do with a girl.  She has been full of sass and sweetness since day one and has had her brothers wrapped around her little finger since the beginning. She is so many things to me... my road trip partner, sous chef, dance partner in the kitchen, duet partner,  steering wheel dancing partner and most importantly... my prayer warrior!

As I have watched her spread her wings, she has never ceased to amaze me.  She works hard, sets goals AND achieves just about every one of them. If she is having a bad day, I come home to find devotion books and Bibles.  This is her way of receiving comfort that no one else can provide. She loves her God, and is not afraid to tell anyone.  She is kind, loyal and loves BIG! Oh and... she is one of the funniest people I know!! God knew exactly what we needed when He gave her to us!

As I soak in the next 28 sleeps...I try to remember that our family dynamic is changing once again.  And then... I remember that she is going to do AMAZING things!

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

~Proverbs 22:6~

I still believe in fairy tales...

I'm going to start out by simply throwing this out there...dating in your 40's sucks!! Yes, I said it...dating sucks - it is not fun, it is not glamorous!  It is painful, heartbreaking, and just down right exhausting. It can also be very rewarding, and if you're lucky you may find that fairy tales do still exist.  You know...the "happily ever afters." But, let me tell you about just a few of the life lessons I have learned along the way...

1. Don't be afraid of being alone. There is nothing wrong with being alone, and learning how to be completely happy and content by yourself. If one relationship ends, don't automatically jump into the next one.  Give yourself time to heal. And, let's face it - if your relationship ended badly you probably just invoke some unnecessary pain on some poor, undeserving soul. 

2. Don't settle. As you date, you are going to meet people along the way and you will be tempted to jump into a relationship with (even if your heart isn't in it), just so you don't wind up being alone (see #1). Always remember, you should not settle for anything less than you deserve.  No one is going to be perfect, but wait until you find the one that is perfect for you. 

3. Social media can make you crazy. In a world where you can follow, friend, and Snap 24 hours a day - you can also make yourself crazy trying to keep up with previous people you have dated on social media.  My recommendation - delete, unfriend, block...whatever it takes.  Don't be the person who is stalking your ex seeing what is going on in their life (seriously, we have all done it or we have friends that do it for us).  Remember, on the book of face - everyone always has a perfect relationship. Your life is amazing, and perfect (just as it should be)...love it the way it is! 

4. Compromise (in the right places). Compromise is a huge thing in your 40's, because honestly... if you have been single as long as I have been - you are set in your ways.  Remember to compromise -  relationships are about give and take.  BUT... do NOT compromise your morals and values.  Stay true to yourself always!!

5. Be patient and kind. Patience is something that does not always come easy.  Don't be quick in jumping to conclusions, and assuming the worst. Be patient...listen to the other person. You have no idea how another person has been hurt, and what their past brings. Regardless of what is said and done...be kind always - kindness goes a long way!!

6. Don't be afraid to take a leap of faith. If you happen to find someone who makes you laugh, who you can talk to for hours, who is willing to put up with your quirkiness, and supports your craziness - take the leap!  Take a chance! Don't be afraid just because they may not be what you had imagined. Trust that person until they give you a reason not to.  Remember - they are not your past, but they may be your present and if you are really blessed - they may even be your future. 

But, the most important life lesson, I can give you... always make sure you have a Christ centered relationship. Go to church (even when you want to sleep in), pray for each other and WITH each other.  If you are both focusing on your relationship with God, you will grow closer to each other. 

These are just a few of the life lessons I have learned along the way and I hope they may help someone else and possibly make the journey a little easier while searching for your "happily ever after."

Happy dating y'all!!