The true meaning of friendship...

My favorite time of day, is early morning - before kids are awake, before the dog is barking, before anyone is up and moving.   I spend my morning with me, my Bible, quiet time in prayer - and of course my, my cup of coffee.   As I am sitting this morning, I'm thinking about the month of October and all of the things it represents. I used to think of Halloween, fall parties... the beginning of the holiday season.  Although, I still think of those things - Breast Cancer Awareness is now at the top of my list for October.

On August 31, 2009, at approximately 3:15 that afternoon I received a phone call from my dearest friend, that forever changed our lives.  We had been waiting patiently for biopsy results.  Although, you think you are prepared for the answers - you never really are.  The nurse let her know that the biopsy had returned positive, and she did indeed have breast cancer.  My heart sank, and I was literally sick to my stomach.  I pulled over on the side of the road to listen, and honestly - to cry.  That night, we both sat on her couch and cried.  How could this happen to someone with 3 kids at home, that was in their mid 30's?   I questioned God's plan.  I simply could not wrap my head around the news.   She was not only my friend, but over our many years together - she was family.  We had been through so many things together - our first prom, our first car, weddings, divorces, funerals. the birth of our six children, and the deaths of loved ones.  Never did we imagine that on of us would have cancer.

As her doctor's appointments were scheduled, her husband and I sat and listened, and anybody who knows me knows I asked lots of questions.  Then came the next round of "firsts" in our lives, the first chemo treatment, the first day her hair started falling out, the first time we shaved her head.  Then, we lined our boys up to shave their heads.  As the year progressed, she went through a double mastectomy, another round of chemo, and then she finally reached the ultimate goal - she was cancer free!

As I look back over those times, I often wondered why God allowed it to happen?   I look at the strength and courage it took, to fight the battle every day.  As I stood beside her, and watched her fight this fight with courage, grace and integrity every day - there is not a person I admire more.  I could only hope that if I ever had to fight the same battle, I could do it with as much faith and strength as she did.

So each October, I now reflect on my dear friend and her battle.  I rejoice in the fact that I still have my friend!  I cannot imagine what my life would be like without her!    She is the reason, I take chances and live with no regrets! She is the rock, you can always count on and the who I love more than anything!

Explain it - don't express it

This morning, as I was sitting and waiting on the kids to get ready for school.   I was scrolling through Pinterest wasting time.   As I was scrolling, I came across a quote - it stated, "Explain your anger - don't express it and you immediately open the door to solutions not arguments."  I immediately began thinking - what if people actually explained their anger instead of expressing it?  How many friendships would be saved?  How many relationships might be salvaged?  How many families could have been kept in tact?  What if people actually sat down and talked about the issues, instead of lashing out?   Anger causes us to act in ways we normally would not - it causes us to yell, scream and curse.  And afterwards, when you are finished expressing all of your anger - what happens?  Normally, I feel guilty. I know I said things I shouldn't have - I know I can never take those words back.  I think about everything the Bible says about anger, and am drawn to James 1:19-20.

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” (James 1:19–20 NLT)

We are told we should be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." How many of us remember these words in the heat of the moment? When you are really angry with someone, is listening the first thing you want to do? Sometimes, no! The first thing you do is to start talking, trying to prove your case. You try to prove they are wrong and you are right. Sometimes, we all need to take a step back from the moment, explain to the other person what it is we are upset about and then simply listen!

Taking it all in...

This morning, as I am sitting here in silence and thinking about my weekend there are several things that are on my mind.  I have said it before, and I have said it again - my life has truly been blessed beyond measure.  I have lifelong friends that I can trust and that are always there, I have three amazing children who surprise me on a daily basis, and I have a family that is more supportive than anyone could have ever hoped for or imagined.  As I look at my life over they last couple of years, there are lots of mistakes that have been made and there are lots of good things that have happened.  There have been a lot of accomplishments and there have been a lot of shortcomings - these things are just part of life.

As I sit here drinking coffee, listening to what He has to say, I was led to Romans 12.  The following portion of this chapter really hit home this morning:

Romans 12:9-21

New Living Translation (NLT)

9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection,[a] and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.[b] 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge;
    I will pay them back,”[c]
    says the Lord.

20 Instead,

“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
    If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
  In doing this, you will heap
    burning coals of shame on their heads.”[d]

21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

Wouldn't it be a great world to live in, if we could all live by this principle?   What would happen if instead of running people in the ground, we lifted them up?  If instead of talking about them, we prayed for them?  If someone hurt us, we prayed for not only our healing - but theirs as well?  What kind of difference would be made if we were truly happy for everyone's accomplishments?   

So... I would challenge everyone this week to remember these words and try to live by them, and change the world one person at a time!!  

So, it seems I always say I will get better at writing on a regular basis - but something always seems to come up and I am unable to.  Actually, things don't come up - life gets in the way.  You see, about a year ago my life completely changed.  I reconnected with a high school friend, we started talking, then going to dinner, then before you knew it we were in love and all was right with the world.  We made it through months of being apart, then decided we would put a plan in place.   It's funny - the best laid plans are the ones that sometimes don't work out.   We have different personalities, we like different things, we balanced each other out.  He was the yin to my yang.  We were happy!  Happy to the point where I was sure this was "it".  Then, life happens.   People who are not in our lives started giving opinions.  People who don't have a say so, interjected where they had no right.  Unfortunately, there opinions can get under our skin.  Make us question, put doubt in your minds.  As soon as doubt enters in  - it becomes a giant.  Fast forward, he is gone & I feel empty.  I want to be happy!  I want the can't live without me kind of love!  You know - the kind where you can't function without the other person entering your mind. As I have examined every aspect of this relationship in the last few days - I know I made a lot of mistakes, and for that I am sorry.  As a person, you have to accept that the other person brings their past into relationships and unfortunately those things determine how you react to certain things.  However, I also know that no one is perfect & a relationship not working goes both ways.  I know that I allowed myself to do something that I promised I would never do.  I know that God was not the center of this relationship, and without Him it will not work.  I have learned lessons, and I will take all those things into account in the future.

I am in a good place in my life.  I have a job I love, a fabulous family, the best friends a girl could ask for who are there when they are truly needed and I have three AMAZING kids!

The good stuff...

When I think about the things in life that make me smile, there really are not  any big, big things - they are truly the little things.  The little things like... someone looking at you and your heart melting, the butterflies when you see that someone special, the silly grin on your face when that special someone's name pops up on your phone, a big hug that makes you forget anything else, a simple "I love you"... these are the things I consider "the good stuff."   These are the things for me, that make all the bad things and the tough times worth it.  You see, I am not a materialistic person -  I am not motivated by money and things.  I have had it all, lost it all and I can honestly say, even when you THINK you have it all, normally it is the little things that are missing and you realize you really have nothing.  This is why, no matter what the circumstances... I know I am truly blessed and my life is filled with "the good stuff."

Very blessed

I'm not even sure where to begin, the last 10 days for me have been almost perfect.  It started last Friday, when I went to Center Hill to meet my sorority sisters for our lake weekend.  Yes, we are in our 40's... yes, we still act like we are in our 20's when we get together.   We have all come from different backgrounds, and different walks of life - yet, we all love each other dearly.  This is the most unjudgemental group of women.  We have been through, marriages, divorces, births and deaths.. we love each other unconditionally.  I am truly convinced when God put us together 20+ years ago, He knew we would need each other later in life.  I can honestly say, my life is better because of these women! 

Next on the list, is my crazy life.  Have you ever had one of those days, where when you wake up you simply want to pull the covers back over your head and go to bed?  Do you ever wonder exactly where you stand with someone?  Wonder exactly what their feeling are?  Well, anyone who knows me knows that I have lots of questions - I am one question asking fool!  Every time I think I have my life figured out, and I have things under control - something changes!  I don't like change... I like to have the same food every year at Christmas dinner, I like sit at the same seats at the dinner table, and yes - I like tradition!  With these things, you always know what is going to happen.  Well, in my life lately, I have no idea what is happening!  I am trying to enjoy the fact that sometimes the best things happen, when you are least expecting them.  I realize that everything you do in life is a risk, and sometime, you just have to figure out if the risk is worth the possible reward.  That sometimes, God has a better plan for you, than you have for yourself. I am trying to sit still and listen to what He has to say.

At the end of the day, when I look at my life - I have 3 amazing kids, a fabulous group of women who surround me with love and the best group of friends anyone could ask for.  Yes... I am truly blessed!

Expectations

I'm sitting here and for the first time I have so many things on my mind, I'm not even sure where to start.  In the past 6 months, I have made some major decisions in my life.  I decided to go back to school full-time (not sure what I was thinking), I have broken up with the person who I thought was "the one", and I have learned a lot about myself and what I expect of other people.  You see... I do not expect a lot from anyone - I expect for people to treat each other with respect, I expect for you to be kind and above all else, I expect people to be honest.  I never knew that those three little things could be so hard!   I have also discovered in the last six months, that the people who you thought you would never depend on, are the very ones who will never disappoint and let you down.  They are the ones who turn into your best friends and they are the ones who are quick to provide a reality check when needed.